google assistant tell me a joke - jokes

Hey google tell me a joke. 

Two madmen planned to run away from the madhouse,

First: As soon as the gate opens tomorrow

We: We will catch the watchman and kill him and run away,

Second - yes the idea is good,

The next morning as the two ran to the gate, they saw that the gate was open the watchman was missing

First: Hey man, where did this watchman go,

If he were, we could have run away today as planned,

🏃🏃🏃

Second: No man let's try tomorrow.Two madmen planned to run away from the madhouse,

First: As soon as the gate opens tomorrow

We: We will catch the watchman and kill him and run away,

Second - yes the idea is good,

😀😀😀😀

Seeing the girl's hair in samosa, Pappu said...

Pappu: Bhaiya, you have a girl's hair in your samosa.

Samosa wala: So will the whole girl come out for Rs. 10?

Husband: What are you looking at?

Wife: Cooking show.

Husband: You watch cooking shows all day long, you still didn't come to cook.

Wife: If you also keep watching Kaun Banega Crorepati, which millionaire you have become?

Pappu went for a haircut...

The barber asked: What are the hair smaller?

Pappu: Brother, if you can grow up, do the same.

😳😳😳😜😜😜😜😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Pappu went to appear for the physics exam, the question was asked in the paper...

Question: Which liquid becomes solid when heated?

Pappu's answer: Besan pakoras.

Mummy: What was the paper like?

Son: It was a bit thin, white.

Mummy: I mean, how did the paper happen?

Son: Fifty-Fifty.

Mummy: I don't understand?

Son: I did not understand what was written in the paper.

But what I have written in the copy will not be understood by the investigator.

😀😀😀😀

A rat fell into a glass of wine...

A cat was passing by.

The mouse said to the cat: Get me out of here, even if you eat me.

The cat kicked into the glass and dropped the glass. The rat came out and ran and entered the bill.

The cat said: Liars, fraudsters, you were saying to get me out, even if you ate me.

The mouse smiled and said: Don't get angry, I was drunk at the time.

😂😂😂😂

Lawyer - Your finger was cut off by the door of the train

And for that you have fifty thousand rupees on the railways

Want to claim to be lost... ?

Woman - Yes..!!

Lawyer - But how will it be proved

That your finger cost fifty thousand rupees?

Woman - Because it was on that finger that I danced my husband ,

And my husband pays his full salary fifty thousand rupees

They used to hold it in my hand.Lawyer - Your finger was cut off by the door of the train

And for that you have fifty thousand rupees on the railways

Want to claim to be lost... ?

Woman - Yes..!!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

"Wife – have you cheated on me?

Santa – Why did the sweetheart happen?

Wife – You didn't tell you your queen

Already has a wife

Santa – I told your Father,

That I will keep you exactly like a queen"

😳😳😳😳😜😜😜😜😜😂😂😂😂

A girl called in a hurry

Girl: Send an ambulance here quickly

Operator : What has happened to you ?

Girl : Hey my nail is broken

Operator: That's all you're calling for an ambulance for

Girl : Hey ambulance so my boyfriend needs to

He shouldn't have laughed at me😳😳

2 friends were going in the middle of the drunk railway tracks.

First: Oh My God, I have never climbed so many steps before.

Second: Oh, the stairs are fine...

I wonder how low the railings are to cook.

😀😀😀😀😀

Poonam from her friend Meena: Have you bought this new saree?

Meena: Yes, it's 5,000 rupees.

Poonam: Oh wow... Is this jewellery also a new purchase?

Meena: Yes, the whole is Rs. 2 lakhs.

Poonam: Did your husband change a new job?

Meena: No, I changed my husband.

😂😂😂

Teacher (from Champu) - Tell me how many countries are there in the world??

Champu - Don't make crazy!

India is the only country in the world. Everything else is abroad...

Girl- How bad my lips are...

Doctor-plastic surgery.

Girl- How much money will it take?

Doctor- Rs. 6 lakhs

Girl- What if I bring the plastic myself??

I'll also take a doctor-favicol and paste it for free!!!😳😳😂😂😂😂

Pappu went to the doctor for a medical checkup.

The doctor did a full checkup of Pappu and then said, "It's very sad news.

You've got a kidney failure!

Hearing this, Pappu started crying and cried a lot

The doctor tied the dhadas for a long time, and then he calmed down somewhere.

Then he said, "Tell me, Dr. Saheb, how many marks have my kidneys failed?"

(Doctor unconscious) 😳😳😳

😱😱

The husband and wife were waiting for the train parked at the railway station

That's when a car came that read... Bombay Mail

The husband ran into the car.

He said to his wife: When bombay female comes, you too should climb up.

In the lockdown, husband and wife were walking hand in hand in the park...

At the same time, a naughty child passed by and spoke.

Uncle, yesterday's was more cool.

The husband has been looking for the child in the empty stomach garden for four days.